cespur: solluxcaptor: unclefather: if you drop a baby the 5 second rule still applies the 5 second rule only applies to things that you’re going to eat exactly
calls grocery store
me: do you have cotton balls
me: does it tickle when u walk
worker: -hangs up-
Flight attendant: would you like some headphones?
Me: how did you know my name is Phones?
50shadesofgreen: dylanoboob: realtired-ofyourshitmasterwayne: beanigirl: STOP SCROLLING AND PUT YOUR MOUSE OVER THIS ALSO THIS AND THIS and this did i do this right
Cosmo sex tip #533
cosmo-sex-tips: After you’ve finished having sex, rip his penis off, throw it to the ground, and say, “I LIKE THIS! ANOTHER!”
joydivsion: taking my bra off after a hard day of having breasts